Graduation Day

Payton spent 6 weeks on a ventilator. She had pneumonia once wile still in the NICU, and 2 staph infections. She came home from the NICU on oxygen for 6 months. She was hospitalized for 5 days with bronchiolitis when she was 1 and came home on oxygen for another month. She was hospitalized another time with RSV. She's had pneumonia 6 more times since she came home from the hospital. I've lost track of the number of times she's been to the ER with respiratory problems. She had 2 winters of getting monthly Synagis shots hoping to keep RSV away. We spent 3 winters in lockdown at doctors recommendation.

Tuesday morning she had a follow-up with pulmonology. When the doctor asked if I had any concerns...I couldn't think of any. When Dr. Toni asked how the winter was...I didn't have anything to say. We'd gone all winter without any major illnesses, she's hasn't been to the ER, been on antibiotics or steroids. Payton had a wonderful winter.

Dr. Toni looked at me, teared up, and said she's graduated. We can call or go back if we need to, but otherwise, she's discharged. There were big hugs, a few tears and high-fives all around.

4 years and all that history later...she graduated.

P.S. - She weighed in at 41.5 pounds for her appointment. Exactly 40 pounds heavier than her smallest ever weight. :) Unbelievable.

Just Breathe

Life is strange. Prematurity is a weird thing. There is no rhyme, no reason, no logic that can make all the stuff that is totally a kick in the pants seem any easier to take. 

Why does a little girl born just two days before mine have such a horrible time with seizures?

Why do babies who got to stay in and “cook” for an extra two weeks have cerebral palsy and mine don’t?

Why does another baby born at the same time get to come home sooner?

I feel lucky. I feel guilty. I feel guilty for feeling lucky. I ache, love, and rally for these babies and families who I have never met like they were someone I have known my whole life. 

It’s a hard thing – living through a nightmare of your own. Watching others live through theirs that looks just like yours did. Rooting people on from a distance and hoping they can feel it and know how much you care. 

You can’t fix things for others but you can make sure they know they are loved. There aren’t many things in life quite as fierce as parent who’s little one is struggling in some way.

For Nic, Michele, Sheena, Kala, Heather, Emily, Heather, Trendalyn and too many others to name…

You are an inspiration. You are loved. You are stronger than you know.  We’re listening, watching, cheering you on. Most importantly, there are people here if you need anything.

And for one more...

This little girl is in the twins' preschool class. She has been in classes with them for almost 3 years now. Her grandma is trying to do something amazing for her. Please just take a moment to at least read this and see her infectious smile... Keys for Keira